Monday, June 28
The Comings and Goings of the Black Dog
Winston Churchill called [clinical] depression "the black dog," and in Sheryl Crow's song "Weather Channel" she also uses that name, as in:
Just like before
There’s a black dog
That scratches my door
He’s been growling my name saying
You better get to running
After a period of absence, the black dog came to sniff around again over this weekend, Friday night... Saturday... Saturday night was escpecially bad. It got better yesterday, and today that old dog is gone again. It comes and it goes, like anything else. Anicca. Inconstant.
I will not crow too loudly about its absence, lest that be taken as an invitation, but I will breathe a quiet sigh of relief. Saturday night was as close to the Pit as I ever want to get.
My meditations were particularly bad over the weekend: terrible inability to concentrate. But here we have the chicken/egg conundrum: did the depression cause the inability to concentrate? Or did the inability to meditate effectively help to bring on the depression? My intuition tells me it's the former. Yes. As I consider it further, it's very clear that the depression came first. And one of the well known symptoms/side effects of depression is difficulty concentrating. OK. Makes sense.
Also, there is the ongoing effect of mold exposure to consider... The mood swings, the inability to concentrate... OK, makes sense.