Sunday, May 30
A peaceful hourlong sitting with some occasional mild rapture. The new default is to do the golden light metta visualization as the appetizer, followed by anapanasati for the entree.
Good. Nice. Stable. Serene.
Part of this equation could be that I was back this a.m. to having an Atkins bar, instead of the Balance bars I'd been having the past couple of weeks. It could be as simple as that: the Atkins bars, being low-carb oriented, don't have sugar in them...
Also, it seems very, very likely that, with all the chest pain I'd been having (and continue to have) and the consequent increase in the Klonopins [clonazepam], a whopping dose of chemical toxicity has been building up in my system, and that's why I've felt like I've been getting progressively worse and worse... My chemical sensitivity is, of course, infamous. So, starting yesterday afternoon/evening, I've been drinking lots of water, trying to flush out my system. Obviously I've been urinating a great deal, but I also notice a subtle subjective improvement in how I feel physically. That painful, burning feeling behind my forehead has begun to lessen; and that's a sensation that has always been associated with my periods of emotional difficulty & inner torment...
So -- the plan is to keep drinking more water, keep flushing out the system. And pleasant abiding, to make my experience of the world more agreeable [or less disagreeable, I should say ;-) ].