Thursday, April 1


Stayed in bed longer than usual this morning, and when I finally got up, my lower back was aching terribly. I availed myself of the small supply of hydrocodone (5/500) that I had squirreled away after the accident of 12/17/02. It was quite breathtaking to be free of pain; a startling contrast. But during my sit this morning, the medication noticeably affected my concentration. Thoughts kept drifting to Antony, and to the mildly annoying emails he's been sending lately. Sending metta to him did alleviate the mild annoyance, though.

Bizarro World

In a couple's session with Chris yesterday, we finally came to a resolution regarding the upcoming retreat. I'm not going. It just isn't appropriate for me to go off and leave Gini when she's just had surgery -- on top of all her other problems. And we came up with a plan to appease Gini's mom, that the two of us could come and visit for mother's day. That'll give Gini several more weeks to heal.

What kind of Bizarro World did I wake up in when I'm trading a Leigh Brasington retreat for a visit to Connecticut and I actually feel pretty good about that? [laugh] It's just that I know this is appropriate and sensible; that going on retreat under these circumstances would have been a selfish thing to do, and I feel good about making a choice that is unselfish & compassionate. After all, isn't that what this Buddhist practice is all about?

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