Wednesday, April 7
from an email to my friend, Sophie:
"Had an interesting experience yesterday. For several days, I've been aware of an increasingly depressed mood. Some of it may have had to do with canceling the Leigh Brasington retreat; even though I knew it was the right thing to do, there was still some sadness and disappointment, I guess. Probably other factors, too, like hearing that Antony Woods had been hospitalized. Anyway, by yesterday morning, the ebb and flow of the depressed mood finally crested and broke, and I was just flooded. Old thought patterns emerged, old ideation. A big time yuck. But then last night, I got an email from Leigh Brasington. I had written to him last week, to let him know that I wasn't coming to the BCBS retreat. And what he wrote back was so sweet, wishing Gini and me well, and saying that I was one of his favorite students ["even though Dhamma teachers aren't supposed to have favorites ;-)"], made me feel so happy. It was amazing to see: all that depression just vanished then and there. One mood passed and another arose, just like that. Amazing, how little reality these moods have. All it took was a few lines in an email and my mental state changed completely! A good lesson in conditionality there, and in impermanence..."