Friday, December 19
A Sobbing Fit
A sobbing fit while folding laundry. Why do you want to hurt me? What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? Why do you want to ruin everything, spoil all I love? Why do you hate me?
Maybe she hated me because I existed. Maybe I took some of the parents' attention & affection away from her (as she saw it).
Something broke loose with this flurry of tears -- there was a calm in its passing, and the urge to punish and deprive wasn't there anymore. A real passing, or just another brief respite?
Wish I didn't have to go out today. Wish I didn't have to go grocery shopping, or face any people. Hide this teary face, these stinging eyes. How can I keep the mask in place?