Tuesday, December 9

Antony


Just a smidge over an hour and a quarter, I would estimate, devoted to metta this morning. There were beautiful, warm periods of wordless resting.

When I finished, I went online to find a set of Rapidograph pens, the kind Crumb uses, as I wish to expand from pencil to pen-and-ink. Found a nice set at dickblick.com While placing my order, the phone rang, and I knew before picking up the receiver that it would be Antony. It was a difficult conversation. I had more trouble understanding him than usual and frequently had to ask him to repeat; also, he kept interrupting me in mid-sentence, so that I was seldom able to finish a whole thought. Eventually, all the while re-assuring him that we were still friends and that I remained very fond of him, I firmly stated my preference that our communications be held online and not on the telephone. I had to say again and again that I'm not rejecting him. It's a difficult business, this assertiveness, but necessary, and healthy.

The warm glow in my heart center continues to radiate.

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