Friday, November 21
Here's my current thinking: the abuse issues that have been coming up, all they are is memories arising through the mind-door. Just memories. What happened, happened. It's fact, it cannot be changed, and it's past (passed). So all that's left is the triggering, and the reaction to the triggering. It's a matter of learning to recognize that triggering has happened, and (if it can't be nipped in the bud) learning to deal with the reaction. The real problematic stuff is the panic attacks, the chest pain, the difficulty breathing, the pain and constriction in the throat like someone is choking me. The body's response to this stuff make it very hard to meditate, to be mindful, and relax and let go -- difficult, but I guess it can be done. It'll take practice, certainly.