Tuesday, November 4

Chris was unable to re-schedule her 3:00, and so demurred. It was just Gini, Sally and me. I asked what the other two thought about continuing the group, since no one else was showing up anymore. Having no one show up last week was more upsetting than I was willing to admit. We eventually came to the conclusion that we would finish out the rest of this month, then stop putting it on the calendar starting in December.

Sad, and angry. I've tried hard not to take it as personal rejection, but I confess that I've not been entirely successful in that. So the meditation group is winding down. Oh well.

Decided on the moment's spur to change my plan. Improvised a brief introduction and gave the sweeping meditation. Ironically, it was a really good guided meditation, and it was well-received. No rehearsal, but it went well anyway. See what happens when you're not afraid of failure anymore?

As we were walking home, we were on the second level of the piazza, and Gini said "Hi" to three of the old women who habitually malinger there in the atrium. They didn't even wait until we were out of earshot before making comments. "What's she doing up there? Going to the beauty parlor? She's very heavy, and her hair... Her husband's very heavyset, and always walking back and forth."

It stung. I'm still feeling angry. It's hard to maintain my awareness in lovingkindness when things like this happen.

May all beings be free from suffering and its causes.

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At least our DVDs of "The Matrix Reloaded" and "The Animatrix" arrived yesterday. Hope to view them soon, in preparation for going to see "Revolutions."

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I like this blogging thingie. Knowing the likelihood of remaining unread confers the freedom to disclose without fear -- anonymity's license, a natural anxiolytic -- while the public nature of web publishing bestows the benefits of virtual confession.

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Ruth was right; I shouldn't be living with old people. Oh well. This thought will pass soon, too, and no doubt I'll feel differently tomorrow.

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